SomeMusings.com

Daniel M

Last Thursday I found myself stuck in a school zone for the first time since summer started, and, I have to say, I got kind of aggravated. I understand the basic premise. Drivers going at a slower speed can more easily stop if a student runs into the road. Running over children is undesirable. I get that. But I was driving down a four-lane road. Was it really necessary to have all four lanes slow down?

I’m working hard on becoming a more compassionate person, so, just to cover all my bases, I tried to come up with a thought experiment where it would be necessary to slow down every lane. Let’s say that immediately after class, a young child named Bobby heads out the front door of the school. To make him as sympathetic as possible, let’s say that he’s in a wheelchair. And, just for the hell of it, let’s say that he has Turret’s Syndrome. I love thought experiments. Every five seconds, he lets loose a. . .

SHIT!

DAMN!

F*CK!

Except, he has the little-kid version of Turret’s, so it’s more like. . .

CRUD!

HECK!

SOMETHING I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT!

As he’s rolling out the front door, one of his classmates trips behind him and accidently gives him a firm push towards the road. With his wheels as out of control as his mouth, our poor little test subject is sent hurtling towards the road. Through sheer luck, he manages to make it through the first and second lanes unharmed. As fate would have it, he is on a collision course with me in my Intrepid, which is hurtling down the third lane. I’m far too busy singing Maroon 5 to slow down, so I broadside his wheelchair.

Now, at this point, does it really matter if I’m going at forty or twenty?

Yes! Of course it matters!

Getting hit at one of these speeds will send him careening into the ditch on the far side of the road to screams of BOOBIES!

Another of these speeds will send him flying into lane two, where he’ll then be hit again before rolling haphazardly into the first lane where Bobby will stay.

But also, and more importantly, one of these speed limits annoys me.

And one of these speed limits really annoys me.