SomeMusings.com

Daniel M

Yesterday I dislocated my shoulder. This brings my dislocation count up to three and a half (the first done doesn’t really count). Today’s mishap was rather disturbing because I went under the knife a year ago to keep that from ever happening again. I feel pretty pathetic right now, but that’s probably because I’m coming off the painkillers.

As if that weren’t enough, my Tigers lost yesterday. I am one of those people who is emotionally invested in my team to the point where I scream “We’re number one!,” and I am also going to stick to that pronoun when things turn sour.

Yesterday my Tigers lost.

Enough with this foolishness. Life is far too short to dislocate shoulders or lose to Kentucky.

But this is a tough universe. It doesn’t care. What are you going to do about it?

The answer, of course, is think back to shoulder dislocation past. My senior year of high school I founded the Baton Rouge Amateur Improv League (BRAIL for short (”they won’t see us coming.”)) We performed a handful of shows at local coffee shops. We had some memorable successes and (for me) more memorable failures. During the first show, my shoulder slipped out of socket during the world’s worst game of World’s Worst.

Before you ask, yes, there was a doctor in the audience, and, yes, the show went on.

For the next performance I put a guitar in front of my sling and, with a friend on the fretwork, played the one-armed blues. The audience was laughing in equal quantities at me for thinking I could play guitar, with me for writing the lyrics, and at me for being this pathetic. As far as memories go, that moment goes into the “I wish it were on YouTube” category.

For your reading pleasure. . .

The One-Armed Blues

Only got one arm
Ain’t got no girl.
Last Saturday night
My humorous went for a whirl.

[chorus]
Oh, I got the One-armed blues.
I can deal with the pain
With some morphine to abuse.

My W-P-M
Got cut in half.
I need somebody
To help me take a bath.

Every night
at 7:53
My daddy scrubs, and I
lose my dignity.

[chorus]
Oh, I got the One-armed blues.
Help me with my bath
No you can’t refuse.

[bridge]
Can’t drive no car,
Can’t get in no fight.
Can’t cut no food
‘Fore I take a bite.

That old wise man
Couldn’t'a been wronger
When he said
That which doesn’t kill me only makes me stronger.

[chorus]
Oh, I got the One-armed blues.
And I still got
another arm to lose.

They wrapped me up,
Put me in a sling,
Now all I can do
Is SING…
The One-Armed Blues.

History has a way of repeating itself. I’ll keep on finding ways to be happy. It’ll help if my Tigers do their job next week and slaughter Auburn.